Actually, it was done last week. Last
Tuesday to be precise. But if I’m going to be completely honest (and that,
after all is the point of this), I’ve been a little stumped about what to
actually write. And that’s mainly cos I don’t really know how I feel about it
all. Relieved obviously. And glad that all the main, horrible stuff is safely
out of the way without hitting me too hard. I think, above all else, it just
feels nice to feel normal. But normal’s quite a boring thing to write about.
When I was doing the chemo, I was happily
telling everyone (myself included) that I felt “surprisingly OK”. Looking back
now, the past 6 months are a bit of a crackers, massive blur – I can remember
things happening, but it’s like looking back at things through the bottom of a
milk bottle, or a particularly stuffy head cold. That's news to me, having up til now been
convinced that I was trotting along nicely, but it wouldn’t
surprise me if there’s been a heck of a lot of sympathetic nodding, vague
smiles, glances of desperation and mutterings of “yes of COURSE you’re OK”
whilst I’ve been rambling on and leaving the house in my nightie and suchlike
(God, I hope I didn’t do that. Luckily, as far as I can remember, I only got on
a tube with just the one boob the once…).
So finally, life is as back on track as it
can be. Herceptin will be going on once every 3 weeks and at some point I’ll
get Tamoxifen pills to neck daily, but the hurdy gurdy, helter-skelter,
bonkersness of the past few months is over. My hair’s beginning to grow back
(current status is a peachy fuzz on a par with my 8 month old godson) and it
finally feels like I’m no longer the hospital shop’s biggest customer. I can
hit the rowing machine and try and shed some of the chemo-induced chub (“It’ll
drop off as soon as the steroids finish”. Apart from it won’t.), and but for
the missing mammary I’ll soon be good as new.
Which all means that for now, I’ll be
putting this l’il blog to bed. I never really thought when I started writing it
that anyone would read past the first couple of entries and, if anything, I
thought the whole idea of writing it was pretty self indulgent. After all, who
on earth would want to read about me?? But, turns out that my musings have
tickled a few funny bones, raised the odd smile and squeezed out the occasional
sniffle. It’s hopefully made it a bit easier for people who didn’t know what to
say to know what to say, and it’s completely overwhelmed me to realise how much
support I’ve had. So thank you to everyone who’s have read it, to the people
who’ve sent me messages, and the people who’ve read it and decided to go and
run through parks on their weekends to raise money for the other gals going
through this shiz. Without wanting to sound all soppy, I have felt very much
humbled.
So I’m signing off for a bit. Fingers
crossed this year’ll whizz by, and before you know it, I’ll be signing back on
to sing from the rooftops that the Rack is Back.
